Addictive Clusters
The “funny thing” about addictions
Most people addicted to one thing are also addicted to a host of other things. Substance users will quickly recognize this phenomenon as many people who abuse alcohol or drugs have tended to abuse alcohol and drugs -lots of drugs- sometimes ALL of the drugs. Many people who have been caught up in cycles of compulsive sexual behavior will also quickly recognize that they don’t just do one sexual behavior. There is an ever widening array of ways to get their sexual fix, and some people have done it all.
But that’s not the kind of variety “clusters” I’m talking about. I’m talking about the kind of person who maybe starts off with weed as a kid then expands to drinking, then begins to include pornography. Then maybe they incorporate other drugs and begins a series of hookups. They are always gaming and always eating processed food snacks, but then they get into recovery. Right away they become a gym rat or start working twelve hour days. Or they start volunteering for everything at church or living for meetings (chairing a good number of them); but they become more and more irritable and high strung. The person always has a full calendar, is always on their phone, watches too much tv, and as time goes on, the stress and fatigue and resentment build and build and build… until they crack… and return to one of their original vices. And they go through the cycle again and again. Most people would see this person and say they were in their addiction, they got sober, and then they relapsed.
I say, there’s a very good possibility that this person was never sober to begin with.
We already know that Addiction knows no limits and is no respecter of persons. Any person of any age, race, religion, economic status, education level, gender, or sexual orientation can become a classic addict; but, I’m saying that even as far as that reach is, it still doesn’t account for addiction showing up in every corner of human existence.
Here’s what I mean: A good many conversations about addiction are not actually addressing addiction as a whole, but rather, focusing on one particular experience. This experience is better labeled as Physiological Dependence.
What is Dependence?
In their famous workbook Uppers, Downers, All-Arounders, authors Darryl S. Inaba and William E. Cohen describe “Levels of Use” starting at Abstinence, moving through Experimentation, Recreation, Habituation, Abuse, and Dependence. These levels have huge implications attached to them so I’ll write about them in more depth at another time. For now, it’s important to note that most clinical focus on “treating addiction” is focused on the later stages of Abuse and Dependence. This is because these are the only two stages where the pattern of use is for the User to keep using despite the consequences of using. These are the people who act out and, in the words of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, declare:
“Our lives had become unmanageable.”
Dependence, in particular, is a very difficult situation. This is the stage where the User’s body and brain have been subjected to abuse for so long that they have changed their physical structures in order to accommodate the perpetual presence of toxins. Said another way, the body has decided that having the drug is more normal than not having the drug, and so adjusts the body chemistry accordingly. This is why people trying to quit go through this phase of feeling so awful that their bodies have forgotten how to feel truly normal when it’s restored to its drug-less state. Lacking resources or better strategies, many people simply continue using. This challenge gets a lot of attention, a lot of hype, a lot of research, and not nearly enough funding. But this is still only part of the picture.
The reason someone would get to a place of physiological dependence in the first place is because of how the person’s mind works.
There’s a core mindset that underlies every addict’s patterns. This is the mindset that constantly reads something in the environment as intolerable and seeks to escape it. That thing that’s intolerable can be as violent as sexual assault; or as subtle as boredom; or as twisted as someone else having feelings. It’s there and it’s not going away. That escape can be through pleasure, pain, busy labor, or just straight up checking out, but once the person finds a way to escape that, they can do it over and over. And they will do it over and over again until compelled to stop.
Not every source of pain will show up on our radar as “danger,” “injustice,” or even “Pain.” Not every means of escape will cause “problems” or be illegal, but this is a problem nonetheless. A person perpetually in escape mode is unable to be with themselves, which ultimately renders them unable to actually cope with life. They let their drug or behavior or pet project run their life for them. A person always checked out will be unable to connect with others, which will leave them lonely, restless, unfulfilled, and more so: unchallenged and unable to truly grow.
The people who grow, thrive, and are able to overcome any challenge life throws at them are the ones who are not just abstinent from sex, drugs, and alcohol. They are the ones who are inwardly sober, insightful, curious, and connective.
How does one get to this point? Well, it’s a long process. If it happened all at once, it would be way too overwhelming. Essentially, though, the process is to steadily eliminate the distracting, dissociative elements in your world. Start with the big and dangerous things like illegal drugs, casual hookups, and hours & hours of screen time; but then challenge yourself to be…
more present,
more slow,
more quiet,
more listening to others,
more feeling your own feelings.
Do these one habit at a time.
In this way, you might just find yourself becoming a whole and peaceful person.